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Got a good fish joke? Email me!

Do you know what is great about a clean joke?
It probably means you haven't heard it.
Let's see how we can change that here.

Four Married Guys Go Fishing.

Four married guys go fishing. After an hour, the following conversation took place.

First guy: " You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend."

Second guy: " that's nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool."

Third guy: " Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her." They continue to fish when they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word. So they asked him. You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come fishing this weekend. " What's the deal?"

Fourth guy: " I just set my alarm for 5:30 am. When it went off, I shut off my alarm, gave the wife a nudge and said, " Fishing or Fooling around?" and she said, " Wear a Sweater."


Fishing With the Right Equipment

A couple go on vacation to a fishing resort in northern Minnesota. The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife likes to read.

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and continues to read her book.

Along comes a forest policeman in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says,"Good morning Ma'am. What are you doing?" "Reading a book," she replies, (thinking "isn't that obvious?") "You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her. "I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading." "Yes, but you have all the equipment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
 "If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman. "But I haven't even touched you," says the policeman. "That's true, but you have all the equipment."

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think!


Fishing In the Rain

One Saturday morning he gets up early, dresses quietly, gets his lunch made, puts on his long johns, grabs his dog and goes to the garage to hook up his boat to the truck and down to the driveway he goes

Coming out of his garage the rain is pouring down: it is like a torrential downpour. There is snow and sleet mixed in with the rain. The wind is blowing at over 50mph.

Minutes later he returns to the garage. He comes back into the house. Turns the TV to the weather channel and he finds it is going to be very bad weather all day long, so he puts his boat back in the garage, quietly undresses and slips back into bed.

There he cuddles up to his wife's back, now with a different anticipation and whispers, "The weather out there is terrible". To which she sleepily replies, "Yeah, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in it?"


What is the richest fish in the world?

A goldfish


Fish at the Monastery

One day while driving home from his fishing trip in the pouring rain, a man got a flat tire outside of a monastery. A monk came out and invited the man inside to have dinner and to spend the night. The stranded motorist gladly accepted the monk's offer.

That evening the man had a wonderful dinner of fish and chips. He decided to compliment the chef.

Entering the kitchen, the man asked the cook, "Are you the fish friar?" "No," the chef replied, "I'm the chip monk."


GPS Numbers

A fisherman gets home after a long fishing trip and is eating breakfast. His wife walks up behind him and whacks him in the head with the frying pan. He asks, “Now why did you do that?” She retorts, “I found some phone numbers with women’s names by them in your laundry.” “Oh sweetie” he replies, “Those are just GPS numbers and since the big fish are female and the small ones male, we give them women’s names.”

That night when he returns from work and eating dinner, his wife walks up behind him and whacks him in the head with the frying pan again. He asks, “Now why did you do that?” She exclaims, “one of your fish called today while you were at work!”


Genie Fish

A fisherman caught a trophy fish one day that spoke to him. “If you release me, I’ll grant you three wishes. But there is a small catch. Whatever you wish for your ex-wife gets double”.

The man figures he can live with this, since he at least would get what he wished for. First he wished for a million dollars and got it. Of course his ex-wife got two million which bothered him then a bit. Next we wished for a mansion to live in. Of course his wife got two mansions. This bothered him even more. Why should she be benifiting so much?

He went for a walk on the beach and came back an hour later carrying a large stick and asked for his final wish. He then wished, “I want you to beat me half to death.”


Priest Goes Fishing 

    There was a priest who was a fisherman, but he hadn't fished in months. One perfect Sunday morning he couldn't resist. He called up the Bishop and claimed he had laryngitis. The priest then headed out to his favorite spot. 

     The hook hadn't been in the water five minutes before he got a strike, and landed the biggest fish he had ever caught - although he had seen bigger ones., A half hour later, he caught the biggest fish he had ever seen. Another forty-five minutes later he landed a fish that broke the world record. 

     All this time St. Peter and God have been watching the priest from heaven. St. Peter turned to God, and said, "How can you reward this priest? He lied. He let down his congregation." 

    God smiles at St. Peter, and replies, "I'm punishing him." 

    St. Peter is confused, so God continues, "Well, after he finishes, who can he tell his story to?"


2 Blondes

There were these 2 blondes fishing on each side of a river.
After a bit of time and luck, one caught a fish and hauled it in. The other one wanting to catch fish yells over, "How do I get to the other side?"
The other blonde replied, "Huh, You are already there."


Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish and you get rid of him for the whole weekend.


Q. What kind of fish sandwich is made with peanut butter?
A. A peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich

Q. Why do fish swim in salt water?
A. Because pepper makes them sneeze.

Q. Why don't fish use online services?
A. They are afraid of the Internet.


On a sign at a bait shop
Our bait guaranteed to catch fish or die trying.


Laugh it Off

Henry took his fishing very seriously. One day his young son, David, burst into the house, crying. His mother asked him what the problem was. "Daddy and I were fishing, and he hooked a giant fish. Really big. Then, while he was reeling it in, the line busted and the fish got away."

"Now come on, David," his mother said, "a big boy like you shouldn't be crying about an accident like that. You should have just laughed it off."

"But that's just what I did, mommy."

Bill Koehne

Email Bill